I am part of a Facebook group with over 60,000 members, all women, and one of the most common post reads something like ‘I used to like sex but now I have no libido’, or ‘I’ve never felt turned on’.
Usually followed by the question ‘What can I do?’
The comments are always filled with advice: different techniques, different toys to try, different locations, or things to read or watch or listen to.
And while a lot of the suggestions might be valid, they are missing the most important thing when it comes to female sexuality, and arousal, and turn on.
It is SO complex!
There just isn’t one solution that is going to work for all, or even most.
With female sexuality, we have to think about more than the body parts involved.
There are the emotional factors. The mental. Belief patterns. Histories. Wants and needs. Safety. Shame and fear. Patience and trust. Energy levels. Who you are with. And so much more.
Buying a vibe and trying out the ‘just keep going’ approach to arousal can actually end up making things worse.
This is because not slowing down enough to listen to the body and actually learn what is needed can lead to numbness and disconnect.
Female sexuality is complex, and needs to be treated with respect.
That’s why when a woman works with me, we don’t just look at what is happening in her body, but we look at all areas of her life. And we work slowly and gently to create lasting change.