Why does my vulva hurt?
Before we start diving into this super complex topic, I have a question: have you ever had any discomfort in your vulva, and if you have, did you just assume that it was normal?
We learn to live with discomfort. A bit of burning. A bit of itching. A sense of rawness that shows up after sex, or after sitting too long, or when our jeans rub in the wrong way. An ache depending on the time of the month, pain or discomfort that stops sex or makes it short or uncomfortable.
And we assume it’s normal. That because no one else talks about it, that it must just be us. Or that everyone is having the same issues and we are just supposed to put up with it.
But it’s not normal, and it’s absolutely possible to have a vulva that feels good.
Soft.
Comfortable.
At ease in her skin.
What hurt really means
When I say hurt, I don’t only mean sharp pain. I mean anything that doesn’t feel quite right, that quiet friction, that dryness, that sting when you touch or move or try to enjoy pleasure.
Your vulva shouldn’t feel like a mystery. She shouldn’t be raw, itchy, or constantly uncomfortable. And yet, so many of us have been told to ignore it. To put up with it. To keep going.
We’re trained to push through pain, to prioritize someone else’s pleasure, to normalize discomfort.
What could be happening
There are so many reasons your vulva might be unhappy. Here are a few places to start looking:
Tension and posture. Years of sitting, sucking in your belly, clenching your core, or tucking your pelvis under can restrict blood flow and compress nerves.
Clothing and fabrics. Synthetic underwear, tight jeans, thongs. They trap moisture and move bacteria around. If we wear synthetic clothes we are exposing our bodies to an ongoing onslaught of chemicals that disrupt hormones and put an extra weight on our detox pathways.
Detergents and soaps. Even “pH balanced” products can strip your natural balance. There is a whole industry out there trying to get you to believe that your vulva should smell differently from how it does. You really only need water to wash this part of you, and if you are going to moisturize, use something that you wouldn’t hesitate to eat as well!
Hormones and medications. Birth control, antibiotics, yeast infection meds, they all impact lubrication, hormonal balance, tissue health, and the vaginal microbiome.
Chemicals. Perfume, nail products, fake tan, deodorant, tampons, pads, lube, our bodies are exposed to an unregulated cocktail every day.
Food and nutrition. Restrictive eating, low-fat diets, or skipping meals leave tissues undernourished. Your body needs real food, real fat, real nourishment. Plus inflammation shows up your tissues, including your vulva tissues.
Stress and rest. Chronic high stress and the hormone levels that comes with it mess with hormones, libido, and the body’s ability to self-heal.
In complete honesty, this part of our bodies, especially when things go wrong, it is so complex. If we were to really dive into this, each of these points and another 50 as well would need to be unpacked and examined in so much detail.
For now, it is something to know that there may be an impact here for you. Maybe you have never considered that your medications might be contributing to your pain. Or maybe you have never thought about how when you use chemical washing detergent and dryer sheets, you body is then exposed to those irritating, disrupting, toxic chemicals all day long.
But as well as all of this, there is one thing that that I have found is the true factor that shows the healing that might be possible:
what is your relationship with your vulva?
Your relationship with your vulva
How do you relate to this part of your body?
Do you touch her only when there’s a problem? Do you rush through washing her? Do you only reach for her when you want an orgasm, or never at all?
What would happen if you touched her just because she’s yours?
With no goal or agenda, not going for any end result?
What if you treated your vulva as something sacred, not for what she does, but for what she is?
This is where true, deep healing starts. When you remember that your body isn’t a machine to manage, but a living, feeling part of you that deserves tenderness.
The deeper story
We’ve inherited generations of fear and silence around sexuality. We were never taught how to listen to our bodies. We were taught how to hide them, fix them, and perform.
It’s no wonder so many of us are numb, in pain, or disconnected.
But this is your invitation back.
To curiosity.
To gentleness.
To a relationship with your body that’s based on listening, not control.
All of these symptoms isn’t a vulva that is broken.
It is one that is asking for your attention, your care, your willingness to stop and listen.
You are sacred
No matter the pain, the discomfort, the confusion, you are not broken.
You are sacred.
You have worth.
You deserve to feel at home in your body.
Start there.
That’s where everything begins
